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Jan. 17th, 2014

Eleven or so years ago, I was bearded, ponytailed, lived in TX, had friends, went to cons, and was happy-ish. Feels like a hundred years ago, or a past life.

In fact, if it weren't for the shirt in the image, I'd swear that picture was from a lot longer ago than just eleven years. Shirt is from 2002. Summer 2002. So, not 12 years yet.

I've never been exactly... photogenic. This is one of the better ones, believe it or not.
It let me get to my knees this time.

Lost one of my jobs this weekend. Well, actually, I lost it on Thursday but no one bothered to tell me. The restaurant went out of business. The incompetent owners are bankrupt, so the paycheck I was supposed to get this weekend, poof, never going to see it. Also never going to be paid for the work I did this pay period.

I only worked weekends there. It wasn't a whole lot of money (to most people), but when you're just scraping by like me, that $200 to $300 a month is a pretty sizable chunk.

So, while I'm still employed almost full-time at my other job, thankfully, things just got pretty sucky for me. Again. On top of that, I'll be missing days from my main job due to extra holiday days. Which, I want to point out, I think is awesome. I love that my main job cares enough about us to get us extra days off around holidays. It's just going to hurt due to losing my second job. I certainly don't blame them at all.

And, if that isn't enough, I'm still sick. I've been sick for over a week now and just can't get back to better. I am slowly getting better, and I'm better than I was, but I still feel like shit. My left ear is still swollen shut inside. I have a cough that won't go away, sinus pressure and massive headaches that come and go. Tired all the time. And, no, I haven't seen a doctor. This is the USA. I can't afford to see a doctor. Anyway, I am getting better. It's just slow.

So, yeah, whee! At least there's Comic Co-- Nope, yet another year I can't go to that. No fun in my future. Can't even afford a ticket to a movie now. Just going to be ramen noodles and bananas until I can make the restaurant money some other way each month.

Trying to look on the bright side: I am still employed. I lost my secondary job, not my primary job. I'll have some days off for awhile until I can find a new weekend job, maybe I can get back into being creative and making money that way.

Anyway, I feel like shit, so even though it's early, I think I'll go to bed.

Been awhile

I guess I should update this journal more often.

Don't have much good news since last time. I am working again, but it's part time and I'm having a hell of a time getting ahead of all the past due bills that have piled up. In fact, I need to pay my electric bill and part of my rent next week and I just don't have enough. Would have had enough but I had to play my full webhosting bill and my full phone bill. Both had been disconnected due to lack of payment and the phone bill had tacked on BS reactivation charges. Whee. Anyone know how to make $200 fast?

Thing is, I could pay these bills if they were later in the month. I've got a couple paychecks coming up still. I just can't seem to get ahead of things. I really need a second part time job, which is something I'm still working on.

Oh, jury duty on Monday. That's super.

Getting out of this rut is proving to be very difficult.

But... things are getting better. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Today just got better. Spent the whole day thinking everyone forgot my birthday but it turns out they all wished me a happy birthday on Facebook which I rarely check anymore (I hate Facebook, by the way). So, that's cool. Thanks!
I hate to have to ask this, but how much do you think these should sell for?

I don't want to part with them. I never would if money wasn’t so tight. Still can’t find a job and haven't quite made rent yet this month yet.

Believe me, I don't want to be "that guy" who gets sketches at cons and then sells them. If it weren't absolutely necessary I never would. These are two of my favorite sketches, three of my favorite characters drawn by two of my favorite artists. They’ve been framed on my wall for years. I'm still hoping that I'll get a job soon and won’t have to sell either one. But, that job would have to show up very soon.

Basically, just testing the waters, I guess. If I'm forced to sell these I'd like to get as much as I can. Just curious what you think.

Help me figure out this bug

I just saved this bug from my cat. It's very rare to find any bugs in my place other than the two giant ant invasions I've had over the years.

Anyway, this is a very odd bug. It move backwards when it feels threatened, acting like its tail is its head. Then it run forward when it thinks it might be in the clear. It does a pretty convening job of making its abdomen appear to be its head. I didn't know which end was which myself until I got a close up look. It is very small.

Here's a link to a picture of it. I'm not going to post the image because some people don't like close up pictures of bugs. This one is pretty plain though. Kinda like an ant with a long tail. But, yeah, if you don't like close-ups of bugs, don't click. The dime next to the bug shows how small it is. http://atomicpanda.com/post/unkownbug.jpg

Hope it's not something I need to worry about.


My birthday's coming up at the end of July. It's sort of a big one. I know it's selfish, but what I'd like most for my birthday this year is for my dad's upcoming operation to be successful and that he'll be doing well. That's it.

What would also be nice is my car not having engine problems and a job so I could afford gas to go visit.

Jun. 12th, 2012

Friends locked my last post. It happened. Not deleting it. Just, I'm feeling better-ish and would prefer that not be just out there. So, yeah. I'll need to post all my sale links again. Heck, for simplicity sake I'll just cut and paste that part. Got a potato baking for lunch and I need to keep my eye on it. Potatoes are nice and cheap.

How can any of you help? Well, please check out my sale here: http://atomicpanda.com/omgsale.html (Shit, I just realized I'll lose my sale page if I lose my hosting. Crap.) Check out my Etsy page for some art and stuff: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Atomicpanda There's also art for sale here: http://atomicpanda.com/store.html (Yet another page I'll lose if I lose my hosting.)

I'm going to keep trying to get some art and commissions done every day. When I get one done I'll open another slot.

There's nothing up yet but this is my ebay page (I think?): http://www.ebay.com/sch/mr.swoobies/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686 I'll be putting stuff up soon, some sketches from other artists that I never wanted to part with, signed comics, that sort of thing. Not a lot left but everything needs to go.

Also, though I'd much prefer to work for it or sell something to make it, if you want to donate a few dollars or whatever, you can do that on my sale page http://atomicpanda.com/omgsale.html or directly though PayPal at atomicpanda@gmail.com.

An update

Still out of work and desperately poor. I'm at the point where I don't know if I'll make it though the month. I haven't made rent yet and unemployment is running out soon. Might get extended, I don't know. All this stress has completely locked me down art-wise. I haven't been able to draw anything in months which sucks because I have a lot of outstanding commission orders that need to be done. This make me feel absolutely terrible. It's constantly on my mind how long these incredibly patient people have had to wait. It just adds to the stress that's keeping me from drawing. It's a horrible snowball effect. Stress and depression lead to artblock. Artblock leads to more stress and depression which leads to more artblock. I can't support myself on my art but I could be making some money if I could just draw again! And I can't in good conscience accept any new commission orders when I have so many that need to be done.

Well, anyway, I don't know what's going to happen. I very likely may be homeless soon. It's horrible how many times I've had to say that in the past few years. I'm just so glad I've always been able to scrape by with the help of friends and family and selling what little I have for whatever I could get for it. But, that this point, my parents can't help much and I've sold nearly every thing I own of any value. If I can't find a job this month... you might not hear from me much anymore.

I wish I could offer commissions. That would really help right now. I suppose if any of you who understand that I absolutely have to get my current commissions done first and are willing to wait, possibly, several months really want to help out and order a commission I'll accept. I just hate to put more pressure on my head but I also really don't want to be homeless.

Anyway, that's where I am now, in case anyone is wondering. And to the people I owe commissions to, I have not forgotten you and I am so very sorry. Thank you all for being so patient with with me. I only hope that I can produce something for each of you that's worth the wait.

Irene Adler

Not super happy with the treatment this character has received lately. First, she's killed off in the second Sherlock Holmes movie (though, I'd put money on her showing up again the the next movie...somehow) mostly as the tired, old "kill the woman to make the male hero angry" laziance. (La•zi•ance /ley-zee-uhns/ n (2012) something made with little thought or effort. Feel free to use it.) Next, she's reduced to needing a man both to supply her schemes and to save her life in the updated Sherlock series.

Irene Adler is supposed to be the equal of Sherlock Holmes. Hell, she beat him the one time she appeared in the original stories, so she's probably actually his superior. So, I was sad to see, in A Scandal in Belgravia, that she apparently isn't Holmes' superior or even equal. In the last few minutes of the episode it's revealed that most, maybe all, of her schemes were supplied by Moriarty, her weak, female emotions were her undoing, and she needed Sherlock to save her life. This isn't the brilliant woman from Doyle's story.

Despite this, I actually do forgive the Sherlock writers, mostly. The story was good, and the modern Irene's faults seem to come mostly from the writers writing themselves into a corner than any intended sexism on their parts.

Season one ended on an impossible cliffhanger. Something extraordinary had to happen to save Sherlock and John. Really, who else from the classic stories had enough impact to be used for this? No one, really, but Irene Adler. This, sadly, linked Moriarty with Adler in the episode, and that link had to be incorporated into the story. This necessitated Adler and Moriarty working together. The only other option, though awesome, would be the rather impractical idea of having, in one episode, Adler outwit both Sherlock and Moriarty and live to tell about it. As bad-ass as that would have been, I don't see how it could have fit in the story (though, they could have written a completely different story, granted).

So, given that Moriarty and Adler were forced by the cliffhanger resolution to worked together in the episode, it could be no other way that some of Adler's plans came in part from Moriarty. The very setup of the episode made it near impossible for Irene to do everything on her own. Sadly, this also sort of made it so she couldn't win either. By the necessity of her being mixed up with Moriarty, her victory would also have been Moriarty's victory. Four episodes in and Sherlock is beaten by two foes in one go? A bit much. Would have been ballsy of the writers, I admit though.

So, she loses. And that's where the writers lost me. Yes, it was dramatic. But, this is the brilliant Irene Adler isn't it? Why is it that as soon as she's beaten she's suddenly unable to do anything? Within a few months, she's captured by terrorists and, if Sherlock hadn't been following and keeping an eye out for the now helpless Miss Adler, just about loses her head.

What would have been so much more satisfying is to have everything happen just as it did until John, talking to Sherlock, just can't keep the lie going and tells Sherlock Irene has been killed. When John leaves Irene could text Sherlock one more time to let him, and only him, know she's alive. She, being the brilliant Irene Adler, had pulled the wool over everyone's eyes, fooled Mycroft (who claimed that not even Sherlock Holmes could have fooled him into thinking Irene was killed) and faked her own death. We could then see her walking down the street somewhere, maybe with some landmark behind her to let us know she's in some other part of the world, with a smile on her face knowing she's fooled everyone and gotten away with it. That certainly would have been more satisfying than having her reduced to complete uselessness and in need of Sherlock to come and save her helpless self.

Ah well. Unlike the American movies, Irene Adler is still alive, at least, in the Sherlock world. Maybe the writers can redeem themselves a bit and have her return and actually match wits, her own wits, with Sherlock and win this time around.