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Files backed up. No viruses found. Computer seems to be working OK again, for now. It's showing it's age, I guess. It's been a pretty great machine, a real trooper, which is surprising since it came from a surplus store about eight years ago and looked like it has spent some time partially submerged in milk.

No getting around that I'll have to find some way of affording a new one soon, hopefully by way of a new job. I keep looking. Already both DVD drives are shot so, there's no loading new software unless I can download it. It's getting too old to run a lot of new software. I have an old copy of Photoshop and even it struggles with large files when working on my art. It's getting to that bubblegum and bailing wire stage. All I can do is hope it holds out awhile longer.

Fingers crossed.

May. 22nd, 2012

Computer seems to be dying. Not good. Can't afford to replace it or fix it. Running virus scans and backing up now. If it does finally die I might be away from the internet and mostly unreachable for a very long time. Suckist part, without a computer I can't make the money I need to get a new computer or replace this one.
Well, this is interesting. My hands were shaking for no reason a bit ago. Pretty bad. They're getting back to normal now. I'm not sure if it's because I ate something. It hadn't been a long time since I last ate though. I dunno. It was just really strange.
Really not in a good place today. And now I'm off to spend the night watching obnoxious, pissing, barking dogs that keep me from sleeping. My life sucks. Oh, and hey, it's that day designed to remind me how alone I am, and have always been, and will always be. Grand. Also, I'm totally broke and haven't paid all my rent yet. Still, no job.

Is there a word for thinking about suicide but knowing you're not going to do it? I mean, I'm not suicidal, I can't imagine ever killing myself, but I am thinking about how fucked I am and how much better off so many people would be financially if I weren't around. But, whatever, I'll stick around as long as there are people who want me around.

That all probably sounds more worrisome than it should. I don't want anyone freaking out, damn it. I'm not going to do anything. I'm just really depressed. Also, I'll be off the internet until sometime mid to late tomorrow.

Can't make rent. More added to sale.

Well, I paid the landlord all I could today but I'm still short on the rent and they're not pleased. Basically, I've bought myself a few days until they start trying to evict me again. Which is, you know, just wonderful. Still haven't found a job. My unemployment is going to be running out next month, I think. Things are not good in Edland.

However, you may be able to help out. Please check out my emergency sale http://atomicpanda.com/omgsale.html, my Etsy shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/Atomicpanda and my shirt shop http://atomicpanda.spreadshirt.com/ (maybe if I sold another couple shirts I'd finally be able to get some money from Spreadshirt). I'm in the process of adding more stuff to both my sale page and my Etsy store. The holidays are coming up. Maybe you'll find a gift to give.

Commissions, I know I said I would not accept commissions until the ones I have are done but, desperate times and all that. I am now taking commissions as long as you understand that the ones I have already will be done first. This means any commissions I get now will likely not be done until January. This old post on my DA page http://eddieperkins.deviantart.com/journal/20-commissions-open-242599122 explains my basic $20 commission set up. If you'd like something larger and more elaborate we can work out a price.

Lastly, you can help me and help others at the same time. If you go to my sale page there's a donation button. From now until the end of the month, 10% of any donation I get (after PayPal's fees) I will be donating to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

So, yeah, anything would be a big help and it would be great if you could spread the word. Thanks!
I'd really like to make rent and stuff and not, like, lose my place so, maybe check out my sale page http://atomicpanda.com/omgsale.html, Etsy page http://www.etsy.com/shop/Atomicpanda, and shirt shop http://atomicpanda.spreadshirt.com/ Holidays are coming up. Maybe you can find a nice gift for someone. As for me, I'd just like to not be kicked out of my place.


It is wonderful to have a computer with no working drives but the hard drive. Very convenient. I have three DVD drives here and not one of them works. I can't afford a new one and my machine is so ancient it's not worth putting one in anyway. I wish there was some way to hook my DVD player up to my computer. But, pretty sure it's so old it only has RCA jacks. Damn it. I could hook it up to my TV (which I now use as my monitor since I'm too poor to have cable) but, no speakers.

All I want to do is put a movie on in the background while I work. Is that so wrong?

Trying to get back to normal

It's been a long time. I'm sorry. I've been in a very bad place which started with being fired from my job due to discrimination. Then there was a drawn out legal fight between my previous employer and myself over my ability to collect my unemployment insurance. I did finally win. However, it's not even enough to make rent each month and it's left me in very bad shape. I currently have about $10 to my name.

Needless to say, this did not help my depression, which no doubt has comes in large part from the reason I was discriminated against, and that I'm too poor to treat. With me, the deeper my depression and stress the harder it is for me to create. So, yeah, I haven't posted any art in some time for that reason. It's also why I'm behind on several commissions. I feel really terrible about this. Which, of course, adds to my depression and stress.

Basically, I'm a mess.

But, I'm trying to get back to something like normal. First thing I have to do is make next months rent. I can't in good conscience offer commissions until the ones I have are done. I am in the process of putting up art on my Etsy page here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Atomicpanda Please keep checking there. Maybe you'll see something you like. If you'd like you could also use my donation button on the left side of my DA page http://eddieperkins.deviantart.com/ or here: http://atomicpanda.com/omgsale.html to drop me a couple bucks. Also on that page I'm selling lots of my collectible stuff.

Anyway, here's hoping I can do it. If not, the outlook's pretty bleak.

Next door neighbors

Sunset view of the extra-dimensional planets (actually the little one is probably a moon of the bigger one) often visible though the spacetime "soft spot" near where I live. Guess the Project Wind Chime disaster of '58 did have some positives.